I'm at a loss, any suggestions??

[phoenixrising79]

Hi everyone!!

I know I haven't posted in awhile, but I have had some very stressful things which unfortunately have taken alot of my time. Recently, I have had many fights, and much drama between my ex wife over our two very beautiful girls which she currently has full custody of.

The first of the many issues are the visitations, she has recently (within the last couple months or so) decided not to work with me in actually scheduling a time which is mutually beneficial, instead she wants us to take them at a moments notice, which if neither my wife and I were working or attending school, wouldn't have been an issue. Unfortunately for her, my wife works full time, and I attend school under a Dept of Veterans Affairs Voc Rehab program which supplies me with a small amount of money (added to the disability which I get from being injured when I was in the military) to pay for food, bills, rent etc. She thinks that I should take them every week, which unfortunately isn't possible because she lives over 80 miles away. She also had a fit because my wife and I had to go down to California for two weeks while she attended training for a new job. Everytime that my wife and I do anything, she always tells the girls. Then the girls are all upset because I wasn't there. During these times, no mention of visitation had been made to me. I had to go with my wife on her trip, because she is extremely afraid of flying. In fact, her dad paid for my ticket and told me to go. Her boss even went out on a limb and told her he would pay for me to stay in the room for the two weeks while she was there, and her grandmother bought her a really expensive gift so she would get on the plane so my wife would go, and she could keep this new job. But yet, when I got home after the trip I found an offline message from my exwife that said: "when you get back, please call the little ladies, they are not happy that daddy chose to spend two weeks playing in california instead of having some sort of visitation. Cinnamon thinks it is not fair, please have a chat with her." Cinnamon is the one who is 6 yrs old. How would the kids even know that I went down there, unless she keeps telling them these things to make them think I don't care about them?

The next one which I am at a loss over is the amount of child support. I have to pay $315 a month, which I realise isn't that much for two children, and helping to support the kids isn't the issue, the issue regarding this is that she has the mind set that she wants to live with her dad, and save the child support to take a trip over to Saudi Arabia to meet this dude who dresses like a girl, and wants to be treated as such. Even though she denies it in front of others, she has told me that she really likes him. She is also planning to just live off the support I give her. She had the opportunity to go back to college, and I even told her how to write the financial aid appeal so that she would get her aid reinstated, since she had a valid medical excuse, and she blew her chance at that by writing that she got failing grades because "of personal reasons". When I was working at the Oregon Employment Dept doing workstudy through VA workstudy, I gave her leads on really good paying jobs (wages in excess of $9-$10 an hour). She made every excuse in the book why she couldn't work. I even went on the Oregon Div. of Child Support website to look at the scale to see what I would be paying in child support when I finish my PhD in Psychology and I'm pulling in 6 figures a year. I about had a heart attack, because at that point the child support would be well over $2000 a month!! She's holding out using the support money to live on.

I asked her for joint custody, and she said not a chance because she doesn't want to lose the child support. I thought people had children to love, not to use them as a source of income... She also decided to go after what little bit I recieve from the VA which I use to pay for food and rent, and stuff.. I'm just not sure what to do...

I don't want the girls to get confused from her exposing the girls to these sick and twisted people. She tells me and my wife to butt out of her love life, that it is none of our business whenever we ask her about it for the kids sake, but yet she allows the kids around her computer when she is chatting with these people and looking at rather vivid images of these men who are off their rocker. I told her that I could care less what she does in her bedroom as long as it isn't around the girls.

When I picked up the girls the last time for visitation, I realised that she was using the girls' room for storage, and having them sleep whith her in her bed, the girls are 3yrs old and 6 yrs old, and she still gives them the option of wearing diapers at night claiming that they wet the bed at night, which they have never done when their over here with me.

Sorry for the long post, but I have two more issues which I need advice on that pertains to this:

My ex wife put cinnamon's last name as hers instead of mine when she was born, and she refuses to change it. Any idea on how to force the issue? Cinnamon's younger sister, has my last name, but I have been running into some issues since the two girls last names are different even though they are both mine. Does anyone know how this could be accomplished, with or with out their mom's "ok"?

And at last the final issue that I am at a loss with, is their mom and I are at ends over how our kids should be raised as far as religious stuff. Especially since she is a self proclaimed satanist, and I more of a background in druidism/ wicca. Any ideas?

Again sorry for the long, long post... I didn't mean to get off on a tangent, but I don't know what to do... If anyone has any ideas at all please do share. Thanks :-)

[BlackMagicRose]

I have to admit I kind of resent her for the fact that I have had to give up going to school so I can work so we can make ends meet. And the only comforting thing is that I am with a damn good company that not only pays well but gives you benefits on top of it and that she supposedly cannot touch anything I make or attach the girls to my insurance and make us pay there too.

As for her she is a lazy bitch. I don't think they should allow her to take any more than absolutely necessary because of her wanting to live off it. I just cannot reason it out in my mind that she has two kids but refuses to do anything for them and make a living for them. Us subsidizing her for the rest of her life or as long as she has custody ain't gonna happen. I'm sorry but she needs to pull her weight and get off her ass and get a job or go to school. And she cannot sit there and say she can't medically work or do anything because I am in worse shape than she is with my back and knees and heart than she ever thought of being and yet I still went to school and got a job and am living on my own. And even when I did live with Gran I still paid all my own bills and so on. So I just think a main problem is that she has had everyone pay her way so she doesn't understand why it should be any different.

Sorry but I want more out of life. And I don't think that child support should be allowed to take up to 2 grand if you make that much because anything above what we pay now is pretty much spousal support and is just an enabler for her to sit on her ass and do nothing. And from everything I am told the best course of action is going to be for us to get a lawyer and have everything drawn up and just make the payments to the cunt through the state.

On a side note...I think the fact that she has the kids involved in that sick relationship of hers should have some bearing as well as the satanism issues and stuff. The girls just don't need to be exposed to it. [img]graemlins/grrr.gif[/img]